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Best Friends/Transcript

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Game Show Host: Who was the first president of the United States?
Daffy: Oprah!
Game Show Contestant: George Washington!
Game Show Host: What is the capital of Alaska?
Daffy: New York!
Game Show Contestant: Juneau!
Game Show Host: How many sides are there on a triangle?
Daffy: Eight! No, Four! No, Eight!
Game Show Contestant: Three!
Game Show Host: Name an ingredient in "Spaghetti and Meatballs".
Daffy: Oranges!
Game Show Contestant: Meatballs.
Game Show Host: You've just won a million dollars!
Game Show Contestant: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yea--
(Daffy turns off TV)
Daffy: How is it that that dummy won a million dollars and I've Never won anything?
Bugs: Oh, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
Daffy: It better be, because I don't wanna end up a bitter, jealous person. Say, I should go on a game show!
Bugs: What game show are you qualified for?
Daffy: Uh, "Wheel of Words"?
Bugs: You don't know how to spell.
Daffy: How about, "Price Is Correct"?
Bugs: How much do you think this pack of gum sells for?
Daffy: Thirty-three thousand dollars?
Bugs: Good luck with that.
(Bugs flips on TV)
Game Show Host: Stay tuned for the new game show, "Besties", where knowing all about your best friend leads to big prizes.
Daffy: *Gasps* We should go on that! We've been best friends forever! We know everything there is to know about each other!
Bugs: I never tawt I would say this, but that's not a bad idea, Daffy Duck.
Daffy: Why thank you...Uh, I wanna say, uh, "Bada-Blingya"?
("The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" Plays)

(Bugs is seen eating Chinese food, Daffy comes in with a Besties program)

Daffy: I did it! I got us on tomorrow's episode of "Besties"!
Bugs: How'd ya manage that?
Daffy: There are some things you shouldn't know about me...But ya better know everything else!
Bugs: I'm more concerned with how little you know about me.
Daffy: I know everything about you! Hit me with some questions! Go ahead!
Bugs: Alright, what's my favorite color?
Daffy: Pass.
Bugs: What time do I go to bed at night?
Daffy: Pass. Gimme somethin' easy!
Bugs: Fine. Whens my birthday?
Daffy: (when he says a wrong month, Bugs shakes his head) January... February... September... December... Jul... July! (now when he said a wrong number, Bugs shakes his head again) July 1st, July 2nd, July 3rd, July 4th! 5th! 6th! 7th! 8th! 9th! 10th...!
Bugs: 27th.
Daffy: July 27th!
(Daffy's food accidentally falls under the fridge)
Daffy: Well, happy extremely belated birthday. Or, happy extremely early birthday.
(Daffy tries to get his food back, but accidentally grabs Speedy. Daffy screams)
Bugs: Hey, Speedy.
Speedy: Hola, Bugs.
Daffy: (to Bugs) You said you took care of the rat problem!
Speedy: (to Daffy) I'm not a rat, I'm a mouse!
(Speedy zooms out of Bugs' house)
Bugs: (to Daffy) You don't know anything about me! I bet if you look "self-absorbed" up in the dictionary, you'd find your picture.
Daffy: My picture's in the dictionary? Is it a good one? What am I wearing? Does my beak look big? (Daffy grabs the food that he dropped under the fridge) Aha! Gotcha! (Daffy eats the food that fell under the fridge)
Bugs: This is hopeless. (goes into the living room)
Daffy: Don't get mad at me; those questions were impossible! I'll bet you don't know when my birthday is.
Bugs: Your birthday is April 17th. Your favorite color is dusty rose, and you go to bed every night at 10:00 except on New Year's Eve when you go to bed at 8:30, because and I quote, "New Year's is a holiday invented by the media."
Daffy: It is!
Bugs: Forget it. Find a different best friend to go on that show.
Daffy: But I need you! I prize prizes above everything else! This is my shot at finally winning something! I'll do anything!
Bugs: Even if it means focusing on someone other than yourself for more than two minutes?
Daffy: That sounds awful...but I'll try.
Bugs: Well, Daffy, you know how much I hate to talk about myself, but, eh, leaders turn back the clock. It was on the east side of New York. My parents resided to make humble sorroundings-
Daffy: (Daffy is snoring.)
Bugs: Did I say New York? I meant, the planet Crypton! (Daffy shoots awake) Anywho, my parents knew our planet was doomed. So my father, Jor-El, built a spaceship.
Jor-El: His dense, melleculate, structure, will make him strong. He'll be fast, virtually invulnerable, and he'll say "What's up, Doc?" discremently, whether he's talking to a doctor, or not. You'll travel far, my little Bugs. But we will never leave you.
Daffy: You're from the planet Crypton?!
Bugs: No, you maroon! That's the story of Superman!
Daffy: Who is Superman?
Bugs: I can't believe I hitched my wagon to you.
Daffy: You have a WAGON?!
Bugs: Daffy! Conventrate!
(Daffy sits very still)
Bugs: On me!
Daffy: Oh. Sorry Superman!
(Bugs sighs)
Bugs: This is going to be a long night.

(At the set of Besties)
Voice: And now the host, with the most....Chuck Berost!
(Crowd applauds)
Chuck: Heh-hey, thanks everybody! Now let's see our contestants! First up, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck!
Bugs: Eh....What's up, Doc?
Daffy: It's a pleasure to meet you Chuck! I'm a huge fan!
Chuck: Heh, heh. Say, how long have you known each other?
Bugs: Seventeen ye-
Daffy: Uh, five years?

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